Pantomimes- a crazy and comforting British tradition!
December 14th 2022
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The holiday period in Britain is marked by a strange tradition that Americans will find puzzling. This tradition is a colorful and hectic theatrical production called a ‘pantomime’. To be honest, many British people find it puzzling too. I would bet that at least half the actors involved have no clue what is going on either.
The word pantomime comes from the Greek and originally means ‘imitating everything’. This is pretty ironic as I cannot think of anything that is even remotely like a pantomime performance. The only thing a pantomime would seem to be imitating is another pantomime. But then, what was the first pantomime imitating? This gets us into the tricky ‘chicken and egg’ debate. As soon as anyone mentions this, some Smart Alec will tell you that dinosaurs laid eggs. But did dinosaurs perform in pantomimes?
Today’s pantomimes take place in every old and respectable theater in Great Britain. Once a year, these stuffy old buildings take a break from showing incomprehensible Shakespeare plays, baffling operas and bewildering ballets, and instead host a couple of hours of energetic madness involving minor celebrities, yelling, throwing things at the audience and a constant barrage of vaguely rude and silly jokes.
The average pantomime is usually based on an old-fashioned fairy tale. It might be Cinderella, Puss in Boots or Jack and the Beanstalk. The idea, I believe, is that by using a story already known by the audience, the director does not have to worry too much about them losing focus and forgetting the plot. This is a wise move, as the audience is at least 75% child. As you know, the attention span of the average child is about two minutes. Before you adults start nodding knowingly, I also read that the average attention span of a grown up is about 8 seconds. I am not sure these figures are completely accurate. To be fair, I did start to double check them but I got distracted by a hilarious video of a cat attacking a roll of toilet paper. Anyway, the audience’s attention span is definitely short. It is not helped by the kids being given bags of chocolates and candy before the start of the show.
The pantomime, or ‘panto’ as it is affectionately known, will vaguely retell the fairy story. There will be loud cheers for the heroes and boos and hisses for the villains, that is if the audience can stay focused long enough to tell which is which. There will be lots of men dressed as women, and women dressed as men. Ironically, these cross-dressing characters will be especially enjoyed by grumpy old folks who would frown with disapproval if they saw them outside of the theater.
There will be a very traditional ‘pantomime horse’. This involves two actors inside a horse costume; one playing the front of the horse and one playing the rear. The role of the horse’s rear end is a great opportunity for anyone who is looking to get a start in their acting career. For some reason, most actors try to avoid this job. That is a shame as I am sure you can think of many folks who would be perfect for this role. In the spirit of the Holidays, why not leave them a little note, encouraging them to take this first step into acting? Here is an example:
Dear Neighbor,
I have been observing you for the past few weeks and I must say that you are a perfect horse’s rear end! I encourage you to share your gift with the world! Everyone deserves to know what a magnificent horse’s rear end you are!
Another tradition in pantomimes is the use of well worn ‘call-and-response’ catchphrases. Like a particularly garish but reassuringly comfortable Christmas sweater, these phrases give the audience a sense of being in just the right place, at just the right time. Life can be a disconcerting whirl of confusing and bewildering experiences for us poor humans. Wearing an offensively garish sweater, or attending a pantomime, can give us a fleeting sense that, just occasionally, we are in control and what we expect to happen may actually take place.
This may sound like a load of airy fairy nonsense to you. In fact, reading it over, it does to me too. Instead of trying to explain further, let me give you an example. Not of the garish holiday sweater, you can wear one yourself, or interview a friend about why on earth they would cover their torso with such an abomination.
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Dearest reader, let us imagine you are seated in an ornate theater somewhere in provincial Britain. You are near the front. How about the third row? You do not want to be actually at the front as hilarious audience participation is also a great panto tradition (and by 'hilarious', I mean embarrassing and humiliating). You have brought your young niece and nephew with you to this holiday extravaganza. No adult ever attends pantomimes alone. This would quite rightly be seen as weird. The parents of your niece and nephew (by my calculations this would involve one of your brothers or sisters) have generously given up their adult ticket so you can have this essential bonding experience with your young relatives. Unfortunately, after the show, they will be in such a deep chocolate-induced coma that they will have very little recall of the previous two hours.
The particular panto you are attending is loosely based on the story of ‘Jack and The Beanstalk’. As well as providing storylines which are familiar to the British audience, fairy tales also have the advantage of living in that beautiful place beloved of all writers; The Land of Public Domain. This means that writers can do all kinds of silly and demeaning things to the poor old story and there is not a darn thing it can do to stop them. You may have had a friend or relative who has fallen into such a deep sleep on the sofa that you can use a marker to draw all kinds of funny things on their face. This is the position that fairy tales find themselves in nowadays. By the way, do not try this with any older relatives that you hope to inherit huge amounts of money from, for obvious reasons.
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I seem to have wandered away from the scene I was trying to create, rather like a poorly trained pantomime horse blundering across the stage. This, readers, is the curse of the pantomime. It is possible to get hopelessly distracted even writing about them.
I think I left you sitting with your little chocolate smeared relatives in the third row. On stage, our hero Jack (possibly played by a woman) has climbed up the beanstalk and finds himself in the home of the fearsome Giant:
Jack: (Gazing around) Gosh! I hope that big scary Giant isn’t at home!
(The 'Giant', played by an actor who is about 9 inches taller than Jack, appears from backstage and stands behind him.)
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Audience: BOOO!
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Giant: Shut up you miserable little brats! (Jack somehow fails to notice him.)
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Jack: What’s wrong? Is he here? I don’t see him! Where is he? (The Giant maneuvers himself so that wherever Jack looks, he is still behind him.)
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Audience: HE’S BEHIND YOU! (Jack turns annoyingly slowly, giving the Giant plenty of time to keep moving behind him.)
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Jack: Come on! You’re playing a joke on old Jack! I don’t see him anywhere!
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Audience: (Rising to a fever pitch of incredulity) HE’S BEHIND YOU!
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Jack: (Turning again, with the Giant still staying perfectly hidden behind him. Honestly, it’s almost as if they had rehearsed it.) Now then! Be good boys and girls. Tell Jack the truth. Is he really here?
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Audience: (At this point, even the kids who had miscalculated their chocolate input and entered a sugar coma too early, are roused to yell…) HE’S BEHIND YOU!!
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Jack: (Cupping his ear as if the cacophony of high pitched screaming had made him temporarily deaf.) What’s that? I can’t quite hear you!
Audience: (Now even the adults, including yourself, join in, as they cannot believe how witlessly stupid our hero has become.) HE’S BEHIND YOU!!!
You can imagine that this interchange could, if fueled by enough chocolate, go on forever. As annoying as it may seem, it is also strangely comforting. We know our role, Jack and the Giant know theirs, and all is right with the world, just for a while at least. Perhaps this is the magic of pantomime. Like the holiday season, it gives us a brief feeling that things are simple and understandable. Predictability is not always a great thing, but at this time of the year it can ground us and warm us and help us to feel part of something. Even if that something is a shared disbelief that a grown woman dressed as a boy cannot see the fairly tall man holding a club and standing right behind her!
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Next week in our blog, we will take a closer look at some of the fairy tales that inspired these shows. A word of warning! They are far more gruesome than any pantomime and much less likely to inspire any feelings of warmth and camaraderie!
Meanwhile, if you have ever attended a pantomime, we would love to hear about your favorite characters, moments and experiences!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ONE AND ALL!
50 miles from London and no sign of Dick.....
Fifty miles from London and no sign of Dick....