Baffling beasts of cryptozoology
April 5 2023
Cryptozoology is a fun word! Let’s break it down to see if we can figure out what it means.
You might be familiar with the term ‘crypto’ when used in the word ‘cryptocurrency’. Cryptocurrency is the modern equivalent of that colorful Monopoly money we used to steal from the game box and hide under our chairs when the rest of the family wasn’t looking. This is considered a perfectly acceptable way of cheating in family boardgames. It is especially encouraged in Monopoly where the goal is to end the game somewhere before the 6 hour mark. Traditionally the game concludes with a mass brawl involving mom, dad, kids and an optional uncle or grandma. Everyone involved welcomes cheating as it creates as excuse for the ritual arguments to begin. They usually only last about ten or fifteen minutes after which everyone can retire to their rooms to do something which is actually entertaining or productive.
Ah yes! Cryptocurrency! This is like Monopoly money in that it doesn’t have any real value and probably involves a lot of cheating (although on much larger scale). One advantage of cryptocurrency is that it is much easier to hide under your chair.
So what does ‘crypto’ actually mean? You make think it means fake’, ‘scam’ or ‘hoax’. This is unfortunate, as folks who study cryptozoology are dedicated to showing that their science is actually real. ‘Crypto’ actually means ‘hidden’. It turns up in cryptography (writing codes with hidden meanings) and cryptic crosswords (where the answers are hidden in some kind of riddle or wordplay). It is related to crypt which is an underground (or 'hidden') tomb. ‘Zoology’ is, of course, the study of animals.
I appear to have wandered a little off topic. Luckily, I left a trail of breadcrumbs which should lead me back to the general area of relevance where I will hopefully find my original point.
So, cryptozoology is the study of hidden animals. You might be tempted to think that if you play hide and seek with your pet cat Mr. Muffins, then you are a cryptozoologist. Not so! Nor are you a cryptozoologist if you cannot see your goldfish swimming happily around in its bowl. (Hint- look among the plastic plants at the bottom. It may be time for Bubbles to retire to the great toilet in the sky.) What it really means by ‘hidden animals’ is creatures that we humans have not yet shown to exist, or creatures that were thought to be extinct, but suddenly pop up out of nowhere (possibly yelling “SURPRISE!”) You will not find one of these creatures sitting scratching its bottom in a zoo, you will not find its skeleton gathering dust in your local museum, and its head will not be stuck on some hunter’s wall grinning at you.
The cryptozoology Hall of Fame includes such celebrities as Bigfoot, The Loch Ness monster and The Abominable Snowman. These fascinating creatures are known as 'cryptids'. There are countless lesser known cryptids such as The Honey Island Swamp Monster, The Beast of Bodmin Moor, The Virginia Bunnyman, The Snallygaster, The Tiddy Mun, The Yowie, The Oklahoma Octopus and The Loveland Frogman. Some cryptozoologists believe these creatures may remain hidden out of sheer embarrassment at their bizarre and cringeworthy names.
Unless you are actually one of these poor monsters, these names are immense fun! Have a go at generating some of your own using this handy dandy table below.
All you have to do is come up with five numbers between 1 and 12 (you can repeat numbers if you want). Use the numbers to find your five words in the table:
Then fit the words into this template:
The (first word) (second word) (third word) of (fourth word) (fifth word)
For example; 7, 5, 9, 8, 12 would give you:
THE BLOODSUCKING BAT BABY OF WOMPO ISLAND
Have fun making your own cryptid names! You may also want to do some research on your own local beasties. These are often more interesting than the more famous cryptids. For example, my own local town of Alexandria, Virginia has the 'Goose-pigs'. These friendly little creatures are actually quite helpful and will not sink your boat or wreck your campsite like some other cryptids I could mention.
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Let me know what cryptid names you come up with and if you have any local cryptids (or even sightings of your own!)
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In our next blog, we will take a deeper dive into some of the less well known cryptids!
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Until then, stay strong, and just say no to Family Board Game Night!